Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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