On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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