DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
