Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hotel room ftw
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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