Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
