Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
