it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
