Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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