We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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