i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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