I want to walk on stilts...naked
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
