the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
