so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
