Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
