You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
