I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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