Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
