Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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