My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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