if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
