READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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