Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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