I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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