Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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