Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
