the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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