My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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