The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
