You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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