yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
