i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
