I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
