Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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