remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
