I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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