The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
