By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
