Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
