She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
