HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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