i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
