I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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