Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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