So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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