well you can't waste a boner
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
