it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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