It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
