somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
