i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
