You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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