Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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