She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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