We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
