Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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