i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
