2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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