in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
