Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
