I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
