I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
