Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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