you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
