I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
