Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
where are you?
Hypothermia
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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