If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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