hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
