and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
