I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
