now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
