sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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