Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
