I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
