DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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