how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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