I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
