Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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