he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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