gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
