i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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