I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
