someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
