I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
