i permit you to call me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
