im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
