there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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