Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
