Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
