Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
