She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
