Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
