I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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